Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Telephones and Voice Mail

The telephone has been around for more than a century and for a very brief period of time, and we do mean very brief, the world’s first telephone system was virtually flawless; all two telephones. The addition of the third telephone created a new and unforeseen problem which mankind has been struggling to deal with, cope with and overcome ever since: the busy signal. 

During these last few years, however, many new and improved technologies in the much talked about telephone telecommunications field have provided all of us with numerous, wonderful, efficient, easy and simple to understand means and methods to make telephone communications between individuals easier than it ever has been before. Don’t take our word for it though. Pick up your telephone and call someone today.

Welcome and thank you for reading along this far at least. If you truly believe the foregoing preamble then you really do not require this latest self-improvement text to assist you to fathom and negotiate your way through the complexities and intricacies of the world’s voicemail systems. Instead, we suggest that you waste your valuable time, effort, resources and money on one of the other useful causes that have been dreamed up and inflicted upon the world in the name of making it a better, safer place to live and work in unfettered harmony and teamwork. Try either ISO 9000 or running for government.

Believe it or not there really are many types of voicemail systems lurking out there in cyberspace just waiting to trip-up poor unsuspecting victims, (these are the good points) but trust us, all voicemail systems more or less function in the same manner, meaning: the more functions available, the less comprehensible to use and the greater the chance of ending up in the general voicemail box. Where else does more become less and less becomes greater? Overcoming this hurdle is nothing more than simply a matter of understanding a few of the paradigms and principals, i.e. understanding the basics. 

One possible reason for the development of voicemail systems is that no one answers the telephone or knows how to answer the telephone but in truth, we believe that no one in their right mind really wants to answer the telephone.

The second possible explanation for the unchecked proliferation of voicemail systems could be the result of chronic over-downsizing in business which has reduced many effective workforces to almost zero, meaning: mostly managers remain who are over-managing the few who actually know how to do the work that truly needs to be done. (And you thought the answer to this mystery would be difficult to grasp, didn’t you.) No. You really do not have to be an Einstein to grasp the fundamentals of this tome. Have you ever seen a genuine photograph of Einstein holding a telephone? He wasn’t a genius for nothing.

Both these simple, sound, logical probable explanations, however, would be, well, too logical and too simple. (They would also negate the need and purpose for the writing of this text.) Besides, at one time or another we have all been misguided, blatantly misinformed and told that simple answers can never be simple, simply because they would be too simple. Right?

Wrong! This concept is nothing more than a myth (where are the myth busters when you need them) perpetuated by fussy form fillers and prickly pencil pushers who have been inexplicably placed in charge of running and managing dysfunctional organizations merely because they have not learned to grasp the intricate complexities of simplicity in its simplest forms. Doesn’t this also sound like government? Why do you think that turfed-out government types end up as directors on the boards of corporations? Sorry, we are off the subject now.

The bottom line is that normal people like things to be simple because simple is easy to correctly and properly understand.

Anyway, this short-form of “Voice Mail for Dummies” will answer the “Why” questions in the previous possible possibilities, explain to you the fine art of modern telephone technology and shockingly reveal to you why voicemail works the way it does, or does not work the way it should, or should not work the way it does and should never be an acceptable way of just not working.

We all know that in every organization there are too many trying to avoid productive work by creating even more useless work which they somehow manage to foist upon the too few who are already overworked by the meaningless work and redundant tasks they already have to do. How else can we better describe for you what a head office is and what it does? Hence we have the origin of voice mail. Regardless, voice mail is something you did not ask for, probably do not need, and really do not want. But you got it, you deal with it, you put up with it, you’re stuck with it, you will try to make the best of it and loathe it nonetheless. What wasted suffering! We’ll teach you how to fight back and win, or at the very least, help you think you are winning.

We don’t have a 1-800 number with operators standing by and we won’t ask for your credit card number. As an added bonus, we won’t even ask for your telephone number. We don’t want it either. In fact, we don’t even have a telephone. We learned something.

Have fun! Of course, good luck. We think you will need it.

Now a word from our sponsor…an un-named head office somewhere.

We’re bullish on bull and we should know! After all, it’s our specialty, our area of expertise, our raison d’etre and, if for no other reason, because we’re good at it and mass produce it.

Our motto is: What a lot of…

You guessed it!


The Oddblock Station Agent